It's About You Too is a guide for parents of LGBTQ+ parents of all ages to help them better navigate their child's coming out. While the book focuses on the child's experience, it focuses more on helping the parents deal with their emotions and experiences first and foremost.
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It covers topics such as common emotions parents feel after their children come out, managing overwhelm, and beliefs and values. What we were taught to believe impacts how we view gender roles, marriage, family, our children's future, and the life we envisioned for them, including their relationships (p.78).
"Your beliefs and values around gender roles and expectations can have a significant impact on your understanding of your child and their gender or sexuality" (p. 69).
The book also discusses the power of our thoughts, and what we believe about our children being something different than what we expected, and how we can be loving and supporting without understanding. It goes on to cover how to manage difficult emotions and how experiences from your childhood could trigger complicated feelings regarding our children's coming out, and how to move forward from that.
"The way individuals experience and identify their sexual orientation and gender identity may feel confusing and different or more complex than what you first thought. You don't have to understand but you can aknowledge and reflect back to them what they said to you, how they expressed themselves and respect that to be their truth" (p.207).
Additionally, each chapter concludes with a Moment of Pause (MOP), which is a mini-mindfulness exercise meant to support you as you work through what could be difficult topics. They are designed to calm your nervous system and help make self-care a priority.
In addition to the MOPs, at the end of each chapter is an item to take action on, which could be a journaling exercise or a letter to write. And then there are Key Points, which are the takeaways from that chapter.
It's About You Too is a great book to read when your child first comes out, especially if you feel overwhelmed and need support. It's not a replacement for professional help, but it's an excellent companion to it.
At 243 pages and nine chapters, It's About You Too is an easy read and would be ideal for a book study or small group. Tracy Whitmore is a licensed social worker and coach and works with LGBTQ+ folks and their families. This is her first book.
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