Every year, when Transgender Day of Visibility arrives, I find myself thinking about what the word visibility really means.
When Leo first came out as transgender in 2016, I thought it meant bringing more awareness to the fact that transgender people existed. And for me, as an ally, being more outspoken about transgender issues and bringing visibility to the transgender community. Ten years later, I think I was partially correct. While I still think visibility includes these things, I believe it is so much more.
In those early days after Leo came out, in between learning a new set of pronouns and the difference between gender and sexuality, I had to embrace a new way of thinking about our family and how we existed in the world. But most importantly, I had to let go of the story I thought we were living, and about who Leo was, so I could be open to the life that was unfolding in front of us.
Visibility isn’t just about being seen by the world. It’s also about being seen by the people who know and love you.
For many people in the transgender community, the world is not a kind and welcoming place. There are spaces where they may feel misunderstood, judged, or questioned in ways most of us have never experienced. We question why they would wish for more visibility when visibility only seems to bring them more grief and harm.
Yet, for many of them, what they are seeking is to be seen and known. They are looking for someone to acknowledge the courage it takes to live authentically.
When Leo came out, I witnessed firsthand how authenticity brings lightness and joy to someone’s life. I saw how confidence begins to grow when someone no longer feels like they have to hide. And once Leo no longer had to hide his true self from us and could be honest about who he was, we were able to build a deeper connection in our relationship.
More than bringing awareness to my son being transgender, seeing him for who he truly is, and witnessing him step more fully into himself is what I think about on Transgender Day of Visibility.
It takes courage to step into your true self and live authentically. It’s an act of love to see someone for who they are without judgment or shame.
Transgender Day of Visibility reminds me that every transgender person deserves to move through the world without having to shrink themselves. I also think about how the courage it takes to live authentically is something worth honoring, not just on this day, but every day.
So I’m also thinking about the parents of transgender people today. I’m especially thinking about parents who are struggling. The ones who are still learning what it means for their child to be transgender, and who are stumbling their way towards a deeper understanding. I’m especially thinking of the ones who haven’t found their way to acceptance yet.
If that’s you, I hope you know that every step you take towards loving your child for who they are matters.
It’s my hope that every transgender person has someone in their life who sees and knows them for who they truly are. Because being truly seen by the people who love you is one of the most powerful forms of visibility there is.
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