When my oldest child Ember first came out as gay in high school (they are bisexual), I was still a member of the Catholic Church. At the time, I was starting to question where the church stood on issues such as women in leadership roles, support for LGBTQ and divorced members, as well as several… Continue reading You Are Allowed to Change Your Mind
During the first year after my son Leo came out as transgender, I told my therapist I had never been more lonely in my life. During crises and tragedies, people often close ranks around one another. They offer support and comfort. When a child comes out as transgender, however, it’s different. No one knows what… Continue reading Being the Parent of a Transgender Child is Lonely
No one tells you when your child comes out as transgender that you are going to be lonely. That suddenly, people will ask how your child is doing, but they’ll stop asking how you are doing. That you won’t have anyone to ask your hard questions to. Or that you won’t know anyone who understands… Continue reading How Do We Support Each Other?
The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens is a comprehensive guide written to help parents understand what it means for their child to be transgender or gender-nonconforming and how best to support them. This book, written by two professionals in their field, is a must-have for parents of… Continue reading Review: The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney
When my son Leo first came out as transgender, one of the things I didn’t know that I needed was permission to grieve the child I thought I had. I was trying to model for others how to talk to and about Leo. How to use his new name and pronouns properly. How to talk… Continue reading When You Don’t Know Where To Go To Grieve
The day I learned my son was transgender, I felt unprepared to respond to the information I had been given. That morning, I spent a long time staring out the windows of our downstairs. I had an endless loop of questions running through my mind, but no answers. What does this mean? Did other people… Continue reading What I Wish Others Knew When My Son Came Out
When my son first came out as being transgender, there were a lot of things I didn’t know. What a binder was. How to administer testosterone. All the letters in LGBTQIA+. That transvestite is an out of date term, and many people in the LGBTQ+ community consider it offensive. In those first days, weeks, and… Continue reading What I Wish I Knew When My Son Came Out As Transgender
When your child comes out as transgender, you will find yourself having to make a choice about the unsupportive people in your life. Keep them or walk away.
For example, I might say, “I’m grieving the hopes and dreams I had of having a daughter.” Or, “I’m grieving the fact that I had expectations, and they’ve changed.” This way, I own my feelings and experience them. I still support my child by not saying, “I’m grieving the loss of my daughter.”
Just this week I was checking out a resource that a well-meaning person passed on to me. It’s a non-profit whose mission is to provide support for parents of, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Perfect, right? How thoughtful for this person to think of me when they met one of the people who founded… Continue reading Inanimate Objects Are Broken, Not People