I cried for most of the cold, January day when my son Leo came out as transgender. I didn’t know what I was crying about, exactly. At that time, I didn’t what it meant for Leo to be transgender. It was a word I barely understood and would have to look up to even comprehend… Continue reading You Shouldn’t Grieve in Front of Your Child
Around the time of the first anniversary of Leo’s coming out as transgender, I sat in my therapist’s office. I had just seen her a few weeks earlier, before Christmas. She knew, however, I was going to need extra support as that day drew near. So she scheduled me to come in. As I stared… Continue reading There’s No Timeline on Your Emotions
You left –In the middle of the night while I was sleeping.Before I had a chance to realize you were gone,or to say goodbye, or to tell you to be careful,as I had a thousand times before –or, that I loved you. I loved you –From the time I first heard your heart beat;when I… Continue reading Goodbye, Or Is It Hello? A Poem.
When my son Leo first came out as transgender, one of the things I didn’t know that I needed was permission to grieve the child I thought I had. I was trying to model for others how to talk to and about Leo. How to use his new name and pronouns properly. How to talk… Continue reading When You Don’t Know Where To Go To Grieve
I didn’t expect to be still feeling grief at Christmas the year Leo told us he was transgender. By the time December rolled around, I had been living with that knowledge for three hundred and one days. During those three hundred and one days, I learned and lost. I understood the difference between gender and… Continue reading Grief at Christmas
It wasn’t until I became the parent of a transgender child, and had to do the hard work of letting go of the expectations I held of who I thought they were, and what I thought their life would be like, that I realized I had expectations for them to begin with. It was an… Continue reading Letting Go of Who I Thought My Child Was
For example, I might say, “I’m grieving the hopes and dreams I had of having a daughter.” Or, “I’m grieving the fact that I had expectations, and they’ve changed.” This way, I own my feelings and experience them. I still support my child by not saying, “I’m grieving the loss of my daughter.”
National Daughter’s Day was this week. While I don’t usually pay any attention to #hashtagholidays, this one caught me off guard. Suddenly, social media blew up with photos of the daughters of the people I follow. Captions highlighted why these daughters were so amazing or why their mamas loved them, or something funny or clever… Continue reading Inviting People To Share in Your Grief