Until just a few years ago, I had never heard the phrase open and affirming. My Catholic background taught me that LGBTQ+ people were welcome at church, so long as they weren’t in a relationship that violated church laws. So basically, they had to be alone and celibate. Who would agree to those terms to… Continue reading Open and Affirming Churches, and How to Find One
When people learn you have a transgender child, their reactions vary from shock, to support, to not having the first idea of what to say. All of these are normal. Sometimes, however, well-meaning people respond in ways that are harmful to both the parent and the child. This is especially true of people in a… Continue reading When It’s Time to Find a New Faith Community
Amy Ellis Nutt’s Becoming Nicole is the triumphant story of the Maines family, and how they overcame discrimination in their small-town Maine community and internal struggles within their own hearts. In 1997, Wayne and Kelly Maines adopted what they thought were identical twin boys, naming one Wyatt and the other Jonas. By the time Wyatt… Continue reading Review: Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt
As I’ve become a more grown-up adult – as opposed to the time in my life when I was called an adult but felt like an imposter – I’ve realized that a big part of the holidays involves managing expectations. Your own. Your family’s. And other people’s. You essentially become an event planner/social director/professional shopper/caterer/customer… Continue reading Managing Expectations During the Holidays
As we approach the holiday season, there is increasing pressure to attend social events. These can be with family, friends, co-workers, or other acquaintances. Often, it requires getting together with people you don’t see very often. If you are the parent of a transgender child, this can also mean people who haven’t seen your child… Continue reading Setting Boundaries During the Holidays
In the LGBTQ+ community, we recently observed Trans Parent day, which takes place on the first Sunday in November. According to TransParent.org, which operates a public group on Facebook, this is a day that “celebrates life and the love between Transgender parents and their children. And parents and their Transgender children.” Not either/or, both/and. However,… Continue reading I’m Not a Trans Parent: Admitting When You Are Wrong
When your child comes out as transgender, you will find yourself having to make a choice about the unsupportive people in your life. Keep them or walk away.
For example, I might say, “I’m grieving the hopes and dreams I had of having a daughter.” Or, “I’m grieving the fact that I had expectations, and they’ve changed.” This way, I own my feelings and experience them. I still support my child by not saying, “I’m grieving the loss of my daughter.”
When my son first came out as being transgender, there was a lot I didn’t know and understand. I mistakenly thought gender and sexuality were the same things, and so the whole idea of being transgender was confusing to me. It took me a long time to come to the understanding that much like how… Continue reading When Parenting Your Child is Confusing
Merriam-Webster defines choose, a verb, as: “to select freely and after careful consideration.” The third definition is decide, “to make a final choice or judgment about.” I didn’t choose to be the parent of two LGBTQ+ sons. My oldest son is gay, and my youngest son is transgender, and I am their mother; because these… Continue reading Coming Out As An Ally
